My Decade Faith Story
- Bethany Pouliot
- Jan 2, 2020
- 26 min read
Hi friends! I haven't posted on here in a while, but as I was spending time with God this morning, he put it on my heart to write a post today. Life has been crazy and changes about a million times a second, but he has also been consistently giving me the idea to keep posting, so here I am with my goal to post on my blog regularly. Guys I am so excited to share with you all that God has been teaching me and just how good he really is. This morning in prayer, my mind took a trip back to the start of the decade, and where my life was then. I thought that I should just write about all that God has done in these last 10 years of my life; all of the ups and downs, losses and victories. It has been actually so crazy seeing what has happened. I love the idea of doing an end of the year reflection, but tackling a 10 year reflection is kinda crazy. I've been actively praying to say "yes" to everything God has placed in my life, so here I am saying yes; throw back to the last 10 years of my life.
2010-
I was nine years old at Clovis Christian Schools starting my second semester off in 3rd grade. In the previous year, the economy crashed which caused a worldwide economic depression; some might even say it was the worst one since the Great Depression. The school had announced that they would be shutting down due to loss of money. Of course since I was so young, I didn't understand what was happening. When my parents told me I would have to go to public school, I didn't believe them and I didn't want to. I had good friends, I got to learn about Jesus every single day, and that was supposed to be the school that I graduated from. I was so scared of making new friends and going to a school that was secular and where I wouldn't be surrounded with Christians everywhere I went. We had also left Sunrise Church because my dad was being called to serve at Oak Hills Church.
I finished that school year and that summer I competed in my second track season. At the end of the summer I began playing soccer for my new school: Red Bank Elementary. I made friends fairly quickly and I remember being so excited that I no longer had to wait until high school to participate in school sports.
In the fall I started 4th grade. I had a ton of fun that year and I was still actively proclaiming Jesus in my life and I was proud of that. I met people that didn't know who God was and I shared how great he was.
2011-
School was still great and I was excited to start track in the spring. I earned a lot of school awards that second semester and I was doing so good and I was so happy. I was winning at all of the track meets- districts, valleys, and I even went to nationals. We traveled to New Orleans for the national track meet which was SO FUN. This is where I started viewing sports as my identity.
In the fall I started 5th grade with Mr. Ford and I was friends with just about everyone. I was so nervous to have him as a teacher, but he ended up being a huge impact in my life. He was very transparent in teaching good character and morals rather than just school subjects (although he was really big on math and that WAS NOT my thing). I was voted desk winner #1. This was a huge honor not just because I got to sit at a big desk, but it was a symbol of being recognized as being an upstanding person among my peers and they recognized my character.
2012-
This is where my life took a turn. I was introduced to all of the things valued by the world whether it be body image, boys, social status, what I wore, or even how I talked. My friends at the time were showing me things about myself that were "problems". These were things that I didn't even think twice about but all of the sudden I felt like the world was weighing on me. My grandpa on my mom's side died, I fractured my knee cap at a track meet, my best friends were bullying me. I didn't recognize it at the time, but this was the first experience I had with depression. I had been experiencing social anxiety since I was really little, but it was magnified now. I started hating what I saw in the mirror. I thought having a boyfriend was the only way to make me happy. I started lying to my parents and being deceptive in my life. I turned from God and I was completely consumed by the world. The bullying got to a point where it was so bad that I would stay up in the middle of the night writing in pain because my anxiety was making me sick. It was inexplainable pain and I felt so lost and worthless. I was mad at my parents and just at the world. I wasn't winning track meets anymore and I didn't know what I was supposed to do.
At the beginning of 6th grade I no longer had those friends, but that season scarred who I was. I was still so angry at how they treated me and how I even felt about myself. I gossiped and I held grudges forever. My grandpa on my dad's side ended up dying that November. I continued to manifest anger, but I never confronted it and I just let it sit in me.
2013-
I started winning track meets again and I felt like I had gained back some of myself. Me winning turned into me competing for something to hold over others. I was seeking status in my accomplishments. For me, winning was something that I felt like I was better than others. I was back to the top and I was receiving school and sports awards. I was doing better than last year externally, but internally I was being eaten up by my unprocessed hurt.
Middle school was such a weird and difficult time for me. I had a few friends at Clark Intermediate School, but for the most time I ate lunch alone in the school bathroom because I was scared of making friends and just of girls in general. I was so intimidated and I let people walk on me. I was being bullied by those same girls still, but I mostly just tried to run from it. I got instagram for the first time and this is when I really got self conscious about what I looked like. I was so confused as to what I was supposed to do at school. I felt lost and alone and unwanted.
I still very much was proclaiming the name of God and I identified with him. I shared my faith with others, but my faith was very surface and there was no real depth, but I knew that God was the only way to eternal life and I believe that fully and completely.
2014-
I made the varsity basketball team and I started track for the school. I made some really good friends, some of the friends I still have today. Track had provided me a platform at that school, and that's what I became known for. I made a best friend, someone I finally felt like I could trust again. We had the best group of friends and we actually hung out every day over the summer.
I competed at the Junior Olympics in Des Moines, Iowa. I had jumped 5'3" and I was ranked first going into the competition. It was just me and my dad that had gone on that trip, but I remember just feeling like I was shutting him out. Yes we hung out and had a great time, but my heart was resistant to letting him in. He was always there for me- whether it be as a coach, mentor, or comforter- he was there for me. I just wasn't being the daughter he needed me to be. I ended up placing 8th which was pretty awesome, but I took it pridefully, because it was my identity after all. Since I was prideful in my sport, I felt that I knew everything about it and my dad trying to help me just revealed to me my weaknesses and insecurities.
Going into eighth grade, everything was good again... at least it was in MY opinion. I felt like I was "popular" and I hung out with those kids, but every day was a roller coaster. I met my best friend Hayleigh who is still in my life 5 years later and I'm SUPER thankful for her. Going through the year though, there was so much drama, always gossip, always just full of worldly values. I knew that living the way I was wasn't honoring to God, yet I felt like I had no other choice. I valued other people's opinions- especially that of boys- over anything else, and I was allowing those words to define me as a person.
I lost my best friend that winter and it sucked so bad. We were both hurt and we kept hurting each other more. It was a bunch of rumors and hurtful words behind each others backs, I hated it. It was all because both our hearts were in a place of selfishness, and not there for one another.
2015-
Although I lost a great friend, I had two other girls that I had grown really close to during that track season. I was winning again and I was so excited to have won leagues. I got my braces off FINALLY so that was really fun! I also got involved in choir and guys I LOVE singing. I am like way too shy to sing in front of anyone... but I decided to take on a solo and this was the first time my parents had EVER heard me sing so it was honestly so great (I still don't sing at home but its fine haha).
I struggled the rest of the year seeing her around, but the grudge I held toward her piled on top of the other grudges I had for the other people who had hurt me. I knew it was healthy to let go, but I didn't want to.
My family had decided that it was time to leave Oak Hills Church and return to the church that we started out at: New Harvest Church. I instantly felt more connected and I was so excited that there were kids there MY age, yet I still felt uncomfortable being there because I was intimidated by the girls that went there.
My dad and I took a trip to visit his friend in Colorado and I absolutely loved it there! It is so gorgeous and there is so much of God's creation just evident in that state. We had the opportunity to visit the Olympic Training Center and tour beautiful parks around the state.
I started high school at Clovis High School and celebrated my 15th birthday. I met some awesome people and within weeks I felt that it was so much better than junior high. I had made another best friend and we hung out tons- especially in the mornings before school. I attended my first high school dance which was such a fun night, but at the same time it was overwhelming. This was HIGH SCHOOL now and there was so much that my little innocent brain was not expecting to see. As time passed, my friend had hurt me by saying she liked the guy that I liked, so I cut off our friendship and held a grudge. This was becoming a major toxic pattern in my life.
November 1st I was baptized again at New Harvest and my brother Caleb had asked me to baptize him. I really did not know why he asked me of all people, but looking back it was such a huge honor and I am so happy that I got to do that.
My relationship with God was rather rocky. I still identified as a Christian, but I wasn't following him. I was doing my own thing and I was making selfish life decisions that would gratify me in the moment and not for the kingdom.
2016-
My first high school track season had begun and I was excited, but beyond nervous. It was so fun being on such a big team with so much talent and I was honestly walking into it really cocky. I knew that I had talent, but I let that override my humility. Sure, on the surface I was humble, but my heart motive was always to get people to notice me and to affirm me and tell me that I was good. God humbled me a lot. I wasn't winning all the time and I really wasn't happy with it. I had a bad attitude every time I went to practice and I no longer wanted to be there. I was struggling with not being the best and I was losing my identity.
I met my absolute best friend during that season. She was so fun and she valued me and our friendship and I was really happy that she wanted to be friends with me. We hung out 24/7 and talked about everything under the sun and shared secrets of all kinds. I also got to attend my first prom that spring and honestly it was amazing! I loved my date and I loved the group of friends I got to go with; such fun memories!
Since I was 15 now and I was in high school, I thought I was ready to have a boyfriend... HA. You've heard (or probably even experienced) that your first heartbreak is the worst, and it was absolutely so hard on me. I was cheated on and lied to about it. I placed my identity in that relationship thinking that he was "the one" and it would be just like a high school movie. I felt worthless, used, unworthy, and just so much pain. I was confused because I had done NOTHING wrong, yet I was cheated on.
Sophomore year started and I was still recovering from that heartbreak. I was still super close with my best friend and I was involved in yearbook at school. Those people in that class are still some of my most favorite people ever and I am so blessed to have experienced that. This is where I first started really loving photography. I figured out my talents and I was really excited about it. I got so many compliments on my work and I kinda used it as a way to identify with that too.
Since I had started "dating", I thought that I could keep dating. I "talked" to multiple guys that fall and I was just so desperate to feel wanted and valued. I consistently was seeking my value in the wrong things and I kept getting hurt over and over again. Since I valued boys over my girl friends, this is how the friendship with my best friend ended. I had developed depression symptoms since 5th grade, but now for the first time I was experiencing it in full force.
I knew God loved me and cared about me, but I didn't understand why he was allowing so much pain and loss in my life. I held high morals and was a good kid. I was being bullied for things like being a virgin or not going to parties or other stupid things. I just didn't understand where my life was going and I felt like I was losing control.
To end the year, my family lost such an important person in our lives. Mr. Kelton- Crazy J we called him- died November 18th. This man was so kind, selfless, and the most generous ever. He would bless my parents' ministries and my brother and I. Whether it was sending our whole family to Disneyland or giving us so many pairs of shoes, he showed so much joy in his giving. He was at almost all of our sports games and loved us so much. It was really hard for me to reconcile that he was gone, but I knew he was with Jesus.
Something super awesome that happened though was that I got my license on December 14th. Some people say that the fun of driving fades after a couple years of doing it, but guys I still seriously have the most fun driving. So many jam sessions and deep convos with myself happen in the car and I love it!
2017-
I started the year off in tears. I was being bullied once again and I felt so out of control. I got a text saying that a girl wished I was dead and that I don't deserve to be happy. My ex best friend texted me saying that she didn't want to be friends anymore and I was a wreck. The rest of that year I struggled with just going through my day. I was experiencing those stomach aches again and sometimes they got so bad I would throw up at school. I injured my tailbone and I actually could not sit down for 3 weeks. I would walk through the hallways and hear people whispering nasty things about me as I passed or I would just hear of rumors being spread about me. I went to the school multiple times, but going to them only made things worse and the bullying got worse.
I started dating a guy and guys I was SO emotionally unstable and I feel so bad I was way too much for him to handle. I put all of my identity in him and he was my only friend I felt like. I would spill all of my emotional things on him and the poor guy just didn't understand and I feel so bad for doing that. I didn't even love myself, so how did I expect anyone else to love me? Needless to say that only lasted about a month.
In the spring I had honestly just given up on track and I was focused on just staying away from anything that caused me pain, I didn't want to deal with it. I was holding in so much anger and unprocessed hurt.
Our yearbook class, as a reward for our "excellent" work, got to take a trip to Disneyland at the end of the year, and this trip caused so much unexpected change. The whole trip I felt attacked, ridiculed, and not safe. So many dumb things happened and my friend and I almost got kicked out of yearbook for things that weren't even of little importance. I felt like everything was crashing around me. I had been begging my parents to let me transfer schools because I was scared to go to school. I was so desperate to get out and desperate for new friends. I started hanging out with Hayleigh a TON and with other people from Buchanan. I met a guy there and we started dating that summer.
We were still attending New Harvest Church, but on Father's Day our pastor got up on stage and basically said that we were in an extreme amount of debt and we were going to have to merge with another church called VIA. I was so angry. Within weeks all of my friends had left the church, the worship music was SO loud and I was no longer asked to lead the youth ministry worship.
My parents had been looking to buy a home for some time and we were looking at homes out in the Buchanan / Clovis North High School area and of course I was THE MOST excited because that meant that I didn't have to go back to Clovis High. We were in escrow on a house and that meant that I could transfer to Buchanan. That escrow fell through and I was angry with God. I didn't want to go back to school and face people who hated me and honestly those people that I didn't like either.
God blessed my parents with their dream home two weeks later, and because my dad worked at VIA Church, we were able to use his work address for transfer. I started my junior year at Buchanan High School and my brother started his freshman year.
I was BEYOND thankful that I was out of that toxic environment and I was surrounded by better friends, but I still felt so lonely. I was just angry at the world. I was angry with my dad, my brother, my friends, just everything. I pushed people away even though I needed to have community.
I fell into serious depression and I started having suicidal thoughts. My anxiety was out the roof and I was having panic attacks at least 5 times a week. I was diagnosed with PTSD from the bullying I had gone through in the years prior, which was why I got so much anxiety around people- especially girls. I was so unhealthy and anxious that my mom had to start sleeping in my room because I would wake up from the worst nightmares or I just couldn't be alone in the darkness. My friends didn't understand and I became angry with them. My own boyfriend didn't understand either and I was back to feeling worthless and a waste of life. A little beam of hope that did come into my life was my baby Daisy Mae. I got her as a therapy dog and never ever did I think we would have two dogs at the same time, but I love her unconditionally.
I remember looking in the mirror and being disgusted with myself. I had put on so much weight, yet I couldn't stop stress eating. I hated myself and wanted to die. I told my mom in tears and we both broke. I needed help desperately because I was completely empty.
I started going to counseling, but I just felt so angry each time I left that building. I was lost and frustrated and confused and all of the things. I didn't know who the heck I was anymore, and I felt like God didn't care about what I was going through. I had people who were aggressively praying for me, yet I still chose to try to muscle my own way through life without turning and surrendering to God, even though I had nothing.
My dad had met with some friends and they offered to get me a scholarship to Fresno Christian High School. When my dad first told me that this was a possibility for me, I remember breaking down in tears and saying yes, even though I was beyond scared for my life. I felt hope, no one really knew me or my story, so it was a chance for me to start over... again.
2018-
I started the second semester of my junior year at Fresno Christian. Just as I was happy when I started at Buchanan, I was super happy here. I went to Buchanan's formal with my boyfriend, and that is when I knew he didn't like me anymore. I broke up with him a few days later, and yes again I was angry with him. I didn't give myself a change to heal from that and I almost immediately jumped into another relationship. I met a great friend who was so inviting and made me feel at home and I am so thankful for her kindness to me.
My mental health was improving drastically and I was getting connected into various activities such as the school's journalism program as a photojournalist, running track, and just making a lot of new friends that were Christian and loved Jesus. I had always loved the small school feel, and I was happy to be able to return to that.
I got the most incredible opportunity to travel to New York City with my journalism team and it was so great looking back. Since I was still experiencing some depression and anxiety, the business of it all definitely overwhelmed me and I wasn't able to enjoy it as much as I had liked to. Friendships were made stronger, we laughed deliriously at 3am trying to finish articles, and just enjoyed the big city. I am so blessed to have been a part of The Feather Online and to learn how to manage my own photography business: Bethany Dawn Photography.
Track season was promising, and I felt good about it. It was so weird going from teams of 100 plus people, to only 12 athletes. It was a lot of fun getting to draw so close to my teammates and accomplish so many of my goals. Since I was now at a D2 school, I was starting to win again. Since I was winning again, my identity went right back into that- as well as my relationships with boys.
I was happy until the newness of the relationship faded and true colors began to show. I began to invest more time into my relationship with this boy than in my girl friends and I lost friends. The relationship was toxic and I didn't do anything about it. I kept undermining my own self worth and making excuses for the situations. I again found myself feeling of no worth or value.
Summer after the school year finished I felt so lonely and isolated. I was torn in my situations and relationships. My church, VIA, is a church full of mostly college aged people who are on FIRE for God. They did this thing called "Friday Nights" and it was literally just a hangout and someone gave their testimony at each one. I had recently ended my relationship with that guy and conveniently a Friday Nights was being hosted at my house. I immediately felt like I had community and valued. My dear friends Morgan and Alissa were extremely helpful in making me feel loved and like I belonged there.
Since I was super little I had always wanted to do cheer, and I got the most incredible opportunity to make the cheer squad at school. Let me tell y'all, cheer is HARD. Camp is no joke, but the memories and intimacy of friendships created was so powerful. I am so thankful that I got to experience it for my last year of high school.
Surprise surprise, I didn't let myself recover from the relationship I just got out of and about a month and a half later I was involved in another one. I felt really good about this relationship at the start. He was 22, went to church, he was in his fourth year of college, he had a career, and I seriously thought he was it. We talked about getting married and all of the things. I wanted our relationship to be built on God and him at the center of all our decisions. I thought he was perfect, but how can I possibly know someone in a month?
School started and I was so excited to cheer at all the football games, do all the leadership things, and just enjoy senior year. I got my first tattoo a few days after I turned 18 and that was such a fun experience honestly. Through all of the chaos of the busy schedule, I was having lots of fun. I surrounded myself with people that cared about me, yet I was struggling with my own stuff and felt alone. I felt weird being at a school where status and material things were at such high importance. My family is on a pastors salary and I was going to school with kids who were upset when their parents bought them the wrong color car. I felt out of place and left out a lot of the time, but I did make some solid friends.
I began to experience the stomach aches again and I was sick ALL the time. I found out a little too late that my boyfriend had been lying to me about a lot of things. The choices he was making in his life did not reflect who he said he was and I felt stuck. He had cheated on me from the start and that just dug up so many insecurities. I was back to feeling like I didn't deserve anything good and that this was as good as it was going to get with guys. I felt trapped.
2019-
My family had traveled to North Carolina to visit family for Christmas and New Years. I started the year off in tears. I knew I was being cheated on and it hurt so bad. I felt like I had no friends and that I could never be happy. My identity was in this relationship again and I was losing that and it was hurting me. We broke up soon after I got back from NC and I felt a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. I knew that I needed to process the hurt from the last five relationships I was in, but I couldn't stand to be alone.
Within a month I was back in another relationship and I was filled by the newness, attention, and affirmation I wanted from a guy. I again neglected friendships and poured all of my energy into this boy and I was just repeating the same pattern I had repeated now for the 6th time.
My cheer squad was in full swing with competition season and I LOVED competing. It was such a different and intense but amazing feeling being out on the mat with the crowd watching and waiting. We won the West Coast Championships for Fellowship of Christian Cheerleaders and it was such a blessed moment. I am so thankful for this team and the coaches for letting me enjoy this amazing sport.
Track season came and I was so excited to be the team captain. I felt so important and my teammates were so supportive of me. Through the season I ended up breaking two school records in high and triple jump and going all the way to the Valley Championships. It was such a great way to end my track career and I am so grateful for the incredible way I was honored at the sports banquets. God was blessing me there and waiting for me to turn to him.
Senior trip, spring break, spring formal, graduation parties, and all of the last bit of school activities before graduation was so much fun. I was so happy with my relationship, my friends, and all of the gratification I was receiving at school. I graduated from Fresno Christian May 23rd. Graduation felt like a dream and sober grad was tons of fun. I am so blessed to have gone to a school that glorifies God and sent us off in his powerful name.
I got hired at my very first job June 12th working retail at Bulldog Fan Zone. It was such a joyous moment reading that email that I got hired after months and months of applying EVERYWHERE. God had this picked for me and I was so excited to start. After I got hired something else GREAT happened. If any of y'all know me I have always wanted a jeep and my graduation present from my parents was just that! Her name is Indiana because she looks like the car in the Indiana Jones ride at Disneyland and she is the most fun ever and I am so happy with my green '98 Sahara Wrangler.
I really honestly pushed all my friends out of my life, and it was just me and my boyfriend. Yes, he was a great friend to me, but the relationship wasn't healthy. I felt like I was trapped and like I wasn't allowed to have other friends. It was very exclusive and I didn't know what to do. I knew he was hurting and there was a lot of change in his life, but I didn't want to hurt him. Not only was I not happy, but every relationship I have been in has effected my family in so many ways. It hurts them just as it hurts me. Family, I am so sorry for the pain I have caused out of my selfish choices. Guys it put a toll on my relationship with my dad and brother and it was not good at all.
I broke up with him a week before I started college and I felt alone. I had been going through the motions by going to church every week and I would just kinda show up and leave and nothing really resonated in me. I was really nervous to start this new chapter in my life and scared to adjust to it. I started at Clovis Community College August 13th and I absolutely loved it. I met so many people and reconnected with people from my past schools. I was hanging out with Hayleigh all the time and I just love her to death honestly. Together we would stay out late with new friends, laugh, have deep conversations, and so on. I was really happy being single, something I hadn't been since my freshman year of high school. I got a tattoo for my 19th birthday and it is so pretty. I started really focusing on my fitness and nutrition and I am finally so happy with my body.
November 5th was the night that I fully surrendered and literally cried out to God. Morgan had been inviting me to come back to women's group and I finally did. The previous day God had placed on my heart to talk to my dad and tell him that I was sorry for pushing him away for the last (literal) 10 years of my life and that I wanted him to be a part of my life and build the father-daughter relationship that God designed. There were tears, but some serious healing took place.
That night the girls all went around and talked about the different ways that they talk to God and how they made it personable and like God was right there in front of them as a friend. On the way home I yelled at God- I actually mean YELLED. I hated that I was in a season of waiting and that nothing was happening. I had fallen in love with the feeling of passion and newness of relationships and there was constantly something new in my life to keep that energy up. I was so angry and I was STILL holding grudges from years past and I just surrendered all of that to God. I remember just being in tears- so frustrated- and asking him to show himself in my life because I felt like he was so far away. When I got home my dad came up to me and hugged me. He told me that not everyone deserves my feelings and my emotions. God gave me those things and I should cherish them because they're from him and it's okay to be careful with them. He had no idea how God had just wrecked me on the way home, and I needed to hear that so bad. I went upstairs to my mom and I cried and told her all of the things that had happened and how I was feeling. I started my first prayer journal that night and I felt true peace.
I began reading my bible every morning and this is such a bug deal because one, I am NOT a morning person, and two, I had only been reading my bible like 5 times a year. I started praying for God's will over my life and for me to surrender myself to his plans. I started asking for his attributes and I just kept praying. That day I saw God in every single thing I encountered. I knew God met me right where I was, and I was at such peace and I felt the most joy. My brother and I have never been close until this year either, and I was so happy to come home and have him come in my room and ask me how I was.
God has been changing my heart in the best of ways and it has been such a humbling experience. I've been able to rest in knowing that he has a set plan for my life, he has my husband already picked out, my has given me incredible community, and he is blessing me with his fruits.
I started serving on the Creative Team at church which has given me incredible joy in serving while doing the thing I love. Photography is something I would love to do as a full time career for the rest of my life, and getting to learn from such incredible mentors and receiving so much affirmation in my work is so great. Getting to branch out and try different things has given me so much more confidence and I have felt God's hand in it all.
My goal at the beginning of this year was to buy everyone Christmas gifts, and I am beyond excited that I got to do that! I believe that God has given me such amazing gifts, and one of those is words of encouragement especially through my writing. I gave people notes who were a huge part of the turning point in my faith from it going from religion to relationship. Each person said that they felt so loved and that was just God affirming me.
God definitely is my identity. He gives me value, purpose, and meaning. I am so thankful that he is humbling my heart, teaching me patience, surrender, and how to be a servant. I started doing the prayer journal devotional "Every Single Moment" by Stephanie May Wilson and guys it has REALLY impacted my life. God is teaching me how to thrive in my singleness instead of being bitter about it. This season of waiting is my season to learn how to cling to God and build relationship and spend time with him. He has been providing me with so many opportunities because I have been putting him first in my life and I am so excited for what 2020 has in store!
Okay so that was a LOT of things but that really is the story of my faith and the roller coaster of finding where my identity should go and just all of the things. I have messed up in more areas and ways than I can count. I've broken more friendships, more situations, and self esteem this last decade. In the last year I have made amends with a lot of the people and friendships I have hurt and God is affirming me in all of it.
Although I was- trying- doing life completely on my own, I learned so much from it and grew as a person. I'm so happy to say that of each of the friendships and relationships I involved myself in, I grew from each situation. Yes, there was SO much heartache, but now I have a better understanding of how God is moving in my life and why he allows things to happen. I've been single for 6 months now which doesn't seem like a long time, but to me it's a milestone. God is doing more in my singleness than when I was with other people. I can just be me and not worry about having to divide my attention or time, but I am fully investing myself in God's plan for my life.
These last two months have been so life altering its CRAZY. It has definitely been hard realizing just how much I need God and I can't do life on my own, but realizing that has given me peace. Just as a child needs their parents, that's how I need God and having him as the rock of my life, my joy, love, peace, I am in such a great place.
I am so thankful for my amazing family. My mom is my absolute best friend, my dad is the best coach not just with sports but in life, and my tik tok famous brother is such a joy in my life. I love my two dogs and all the laughs they bring.
As I said, God has gifted me with the ability to write and the eye for photography. I am planning to post 2 to 4 times a month and with this blog I just want to be real with y'all. This is me being completely transparent with my story and how God has changed me through all of it. It is SO embarrassing talking about all of the times I've messed up, the tons of guys I've talked to and dated, all of the failures. I want to use that to hopefully connect with y'all and just talk about real stuff. I'll talk about whats going on in my life and how God is transforming me, updates on where my photo business is going, bible passages and topics, and I am so open to requested topics! I really believe God is calling me here and I am here for his will to be done.
I thought that it would be fun to include a collage of moments over the decade, so you can scroll through that below.
Thank you guys for your support in reading this and keeping up with my blog. I am so excited for this new decade and I pray nothing but blessing over yours!
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