Are We There Yet?!

Hey y'all! So I just completed my first month of my second semester and I'll be honest... I didn't want to go back. These last few weeks were kind of tough for me, but God has grown me in so many ways. I have been specifically praying that God would continue to work in my heart; that I would surrender my life to him, and that he would humble me through and through. In this process my patience and my obedience have been tested. This last week specifically I have felt the devil's presence and his attacks in my life. I am so excited to say that this DID NOT steal my joy, hope, or peace that through Jesus I can experience.

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As I mentioned in my last blog, I have been working through a devotional called Every Single Moment by Stephanie May Wilson and it is a 100 day prayer devotional about how to thrive in choosing to be single. I used the word "working" because it has truly changed my heart perspective of not just relationships I have with boys, but the girlfriends I have and how my actions and motives effect all the things. I am now half way through this journal which I am so proud of myself for doing but it has truly been an amazing experience. I just finished a section titled "A Life of Confidence" and it honestly WRECKED me, in the absolute best way of course!

The day I was supposed to start this new section, I had anxiety for the first time in about a year. When I had anxiety in the past, I always knew subconsciously what it was about, but this time I COULD NOT figure it out! As I went through the day I just kept praying and asking God for peace of heart and mind and I repeated Philippians 4:6 over in my head continuously.

As days went on I really started thinking about where my life was going and when were things going to start happening and LITERALLY all of the things that could stress me out. I was thinking about my school, my job, church, my photography business, friends, and so on. I began to get frustrated because I felt like nothing in my life was really happening. I spent multiple nights in tears because I felt like I was driving in a fog and I didn't know where I was going to end up.

I caught myself asking him "Am I there yet?". It is hard living in a world with harsh societal expectations on how our lives should play out. I'm so guilty of planning my life out in my head and creating expectations of what life should look like. I started asking God when I was going to finish college, when will I land the best shoot, or even when will I meet my husband. I fall in a spiral of comparison of my life to my friends' lives and I am so discouraged. I see my friends getting married and graduating, others in full swing with their careers. I feel so powerless in these moments.

Surrender became so real in those moments. Instead of shying away and getting wrapped up in my frustrations, I was able to bring them to God; vulnerable to the deepest places in my heart. This may be a season of stillness and singleness, but it's also a season of surrender and submission. My verse for the year is Galations 2:20 saying, "I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." This is so good. There is by no means that as a human, we can live as perfect as Jesus did. Being a Christian doesn't mean life will be easy, but you can live because death is no longer an option. We no longer are tied to the expectations of the world because in Christ we are given new meaning and purpose. If the creator of the universe- the ultimate promise keeper- is the author of my story, there is no place for doubt.

As I was journaling last night, God revealed something to me. There are times- especially in this season of waiting- where I feel like God just likes to say no. That is so not true. His "no" isn't just "no", but its "wait, I have something better". You may be like me where God has pulled you up from rock bottom, but you're not quite to your full potential, constantly asking him that "Am I there yet?" question. As you walk through this season, God is walking before you. Friend it has encouraged me so much in knowing that God has absolute perfect timing. Another verse that speaks truth to me in this season is Romans 8:28-29, "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers."

God is working, and will never stop. You are so loved, prayed for, cared about, and God can see your heart. He recognizes your desires. Just because it seems like God is blessing others, doesn't mean that he's forgotten about you. It is not happening instead of you. While it may seem that you have no direction in this season, the possibilities God sees are endless. Allow him to take over and trust that he is good. God will use this season in ways society might not see as "right", but he is faithful. If God is in it, nothing can stop that.

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Life Update:

God has blessed me in so many ways in this first month of 2020, and I feel peace in it. I have the most amazing girlfriends and church EVER. My family is so amazing and we have so many fun things planned for the upcoming year together.

Some awesome things that are happening with my business is that I now have business cards!! Yay!! I also was asked by an amazing photographer mentor of mine if I could be a second shooter for WEDDINGS!! Guys this is my absolute dream job and I am BEYOND excited that I get to do this.

One last thing about my life is something I am intentionally praying about and asking for God's will. My parents were planning on sending my brother and I to Summit Student Conference this summer which is a two week long program that brings in Christian leaders from around the world to speak to 16-25 year olds, equipping them on how to live out their faith and looking at the world from a Christian lens. I discovered late one evening that they have an internship program that takes place from May to August; the best part is that they have a photography internship program!! I applied immediately because how awesome would that be to learn from amazing teachers all while serving a God-driven ministry?! I am so happy to say that God has opened up the doors for me to advance to the interview process and this will take place on February 13, so major prayers for that.

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Thank y'all for your support, love, and engagement in my life. I love sharing and being vulnerable about my life events and I truly hope that they can help you.

If you have any questions or just need encouragement, don't be afraid to reach out!