Heart of a Nine

Hey y'all!! I am so happy to say I am 1/4 done with my second semester so AMEN to that! There have been so many fun things happening that have brought me so much joy, but honestly a lot has tried to hinder that. The truth that I have been consistently running on is the fact that God is so good; he's omniscient and omnipresent. These last few weeks I've taken some time to myself just to figure out good time management (school and work) and looking at all the things that bring me joy.

Above ALL things, the newfound hope, love, security, and identity I have in Jesus Christ brings me the absolute most joy... I cannot stress that enough!! I have been loving waking up and (before doing anything) starting my day out in prayer and reading into what God wants to teach me that day. Worship music has been a constant and those car jams singing my heart out for the Lord are the best. Honestly I've been treating my dog more like a baby than anything and I have no regrets! I absolutely LOVE Disney and for the first time I was able to buy myself an Annual Pass and I am just giddy about it. My mom and I traveled there for the weekend to celebrate her birthday and in the midst of our conversations, the thing we talked about the most was the Enneagram.

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The Enneagram is a personality test that has 9 core personalities and are distinguished by basic emotions, fears, and desires. The Enneagram has been set up in a way where all personalities are connected in some way, but each person has one main type. This is different from most personality assessments because not only does it explain your personality, it explains the reasoning behind the things you do. Guys it is actually SCARY accurate if you read up on it! At first when I read through my type description, I was really unsure of what to even think because it really did hit home. It had all of my basic strengths and weaknesses laid out there in front of me. I am such a visual//verbal processor and seeing this was definitely impactful. It also tells you which celebrities are your same type (just for fun) and what your relationship looks like with other types. I'll put a link to a free test right here so you can know yours if you haven't taken it!

I am type 9 which has been named Peacemaker. My type has been described as easygoing, receptive, reassuring, agreeable, and complacent. My basic desire is to have peace and stability, and my basic fear is loss or separation. Some well-known characters that are portrayed as type 9 are Jim Halpert (The Office), Jerry (Gary) Gergich (Parks and Rec), and Cinderella (Disney).

I love that this is the name for my type because it's so relatable. I find that I bring a calming presence into all different scenes. I become a safe place for most people; others count on me to speak words of encouragement over them and to let them know that "everything is going to be okay". Okay... I know boys find this annoying (I'm so sorry to my future husband), but I cannot make decisions. That dreaded question, "Where do you wanna eat?"... please DO NOT make me pick. When I say I will seriously be happy with whatever, I ACTUALLY mean it. I'm definitely a homebody, but I also love going out on a spontaneous adventure. There are two sides to every story, and sometimes I can even see three. I see myself as a referee among friends and push for reconciliation. I see myself as thoughtful, kind, genuine, personable, supportive, encouraging, structured, generous, and reassuring. I don't easily let my guard down to others, but once you know me I will love you so so much. I have such a tenderhearted spirit, and I love to always be cozy.

For the majority of my life, I have felt different from others... almost as an outcast. I always had the desire to do what was right, but if the right thing wasn't what others were doing, I would get super anxious and not know what to do. I am very introverted, but I have so much on my mind. I love to sit back and observe, and I don't typically speak up unless asked. I need to be reaffirmed that my presence is wanted and that my insight on situations is meaningful and valued. I want my voice to be heard, I just don't want to be the one to interrupt anything. I want to make sure everyone around me is doing okay and that there is peace in the room, and sometimes I forget to check on myself and evaluate my own needs. I do struggle with anxiety when there is tension in relationships, and those relationships may not even be in my own life. People-pleasing has also been a struggle for me, because I want everyone to be happy and I will do whatever it takes to achieve that.

Looking through my strengths and weaknesses, these are things that God has made me to be, but they don't define me as a person. My identity comes from God who views me as beautiful and wonderful (Psalm 139:14), therefore I can surrender all that I am over to him. He made me to be unique, and I can honor God by embracing these qualities that make me a Peacemaker. A verse that has really stuck out to me is 1 Peter 1:2 - "You were chosen according to the purpose of God the Father and were made a holy people by his Spirit, to obey Jesus Christ and be purified by his blood. May grace and peace be yours in full measure.” This really helps me because the lie that is constantly on my brain is "Am I enough, am I doing enough, and will I ever be enough?" Knowing that in God my presence and gifts are valued in his eyes, I myself can experience the peace that I long for the most.

Although this assessment has been created from a worldview perspective, there are biblical aspects to learn from this. I came across an article recently about which characters in the Bible represent each Enneagram. Apostle John was claimed to have been a Peacemaker. I teared up reading this the first time because John was "the disciple whom Jesus loved." This is so encouraging to me because it's a reminder that I am loved and my presence is valued. He was also one of the three disciples that was in Jesus' closest circle who wrote five books in the New Testament. This is also super encouraging because John had the gift of writing and using his words to point others back to Christ and how his power can bring peace to the most uneasy of spirits. There are also moments throughout the Bible that Jesus was portrayed each type. This is incredible because Jesus is each type and he is the only human capable of being each one because he is perfect.

My final words on the Enneagram is that it's not only fun to see your personality on paper, I can use it as a tool for how I can improve myself and work on being a better advocate for all that God has gifted me with. I really hope that you guys can find as much joy out of this as I do because it is so interesting to find out more about yourself and why you do the things you do.

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Life update time!! As y'all may have read in my previous blog, I had applied for a photography internship for Summit Ministries located in Colorado. I would be there from May to August so this is literally such an amazing opportunity because I would be spending the entire summer in my favorite place, doing my favorite thing, and serving the God I love!! I had my interview February 13 and friends... oh my goodness God is so good. I prayed that he would put the words in my mouth (Luke 12:12) that I needed to say and to allow me to be humbled and use my passions and gifting to glorify him. God met me. There were times where I would be responding to a question and words would flow out of my mouth and I KID YOU NOT I had to pause a few times because I knew God was speaking through me. It was so incredible. All of this to say that God has been blessing me by giving me the desires of my heart (Psalm 37:4). I am so excited to say that I have been selected for the SECOND round of interviews!!

Friends thank you so much again for your support and willingness to read what I have to say (because I actually do have TONS on my mind). I really believe that God will use my gifting in writing for what he has planned for me, and I am so excited to keep writing about what he places on my heart.

Don't be afraid to reach out if you have any questions or just need a word of encouragement. I'm also so down to grab coffee!! Thanks again(: